23 Jant 1997

of a Name

What a wonderful concept! How about renaming the White House the Mary Kaye Pink House? Or what about the Vietnam Red Brick Wall? The Big Apple could become just the Apple (for a few million - the potential sponsor is not very flush right now).

All these marvelous possibilities have inspired the Board of Directors of the Golden Gate Bridge District, which funds and manages the world renown bridge. In their search for potential deep pockets to rent some bragging rights and help fund earthquake retro-work, the directors tapped two obvious egos of a scale well matched to their engineering.

Oracle responded on behalf of Larry Ellison that unless the proffered merchandise was completely rebuilt by traditional craftsmen working in Japanese oak, and the Bay below filled with multi-hued carp, the image would be incompatible with Ellison's esthetic standards.

Microsoft, on the other hand, was quickly hip to the potential. We hear from usually unreliable sources close to the matter that it has made a handsome offer on behalf of its chairman. The bridge's directors immediately perceived the natural fit and elegant economy: unlike the massive effort required in re-lettering every sign and reference to old "Candlestick Park" as "3COM Park", this bold alliance with Microsoft would require but a single letter to implement. And the world's richest entrepreneur would forever after be remembered as "Golden Gates".

A snag arose, however, as lawyers argued out the proposed fine print, in which Microsoft would require an annual upgrade from all commuters and a per-seat license fee to cross the bridge. (There is a generous provision for free demo downloads, er, crossings on Sundays). Gates' personal team pointed out that he already owns all rights to photo and video images of the bridge and its views so those crossing may not look at the bay below without incurring a royalty liability to Chairman Bill.

Nonetheless the matter currently remains unsettled.

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� � 1997 Applied Information Science